tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5562283155833378792.post1839077085194606250..comments2023-09-07T00:45:57.162+10:00Comments on Riff: 74. No turning backJuliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09513648613788716017noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5562283155833378792.post-39598731081323885102010-03-17T05:47:09.864+11:002010-03-17T05:47:09.864+11:00Hah! Sorry about occupying your spare thoughts. Ma...Hah! Sorry about occupying your spare thoughts. Maybe you are on the cusp of your own great experiment. It does make you look at and listen to things differently, more absorbently is you get what I mean!<br /><br />I can see the "cheering her on" hassle. However, when I am writing, I am sooo on the side of my characters. I almost jump into their skin. I guess that is what editing is for.<br /><br />In fact, I guess that is why one writes, and then leaves for a few days. I don't give my pieces that respect as yet.<br /><br />Not a simpe thing to do, this writing lark.Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09513648613788716017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5562283155833378792.post-62126507894874078842010-03-16T22:44:35.355+11:002010-03-16T22:44:35.355+11:00It worked for me except I thought brand names were...It worked for me except I thought brand names were a little overdone.diane bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12002292118984909883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5562283155833378792.post-16774405900472541662010-03-16T20:52:15.865+11:002010-03-16T20:52:15.865+11:00Julie, I was thinking about this story today ... i...Julie, I was thinking about this story today ... it's my day for commuting to the city so I had several hours to think so why not think about your stories.<br /><br />The content of the first para is powerful but my latest thought is that it's that over opinionated intrusive narrator surfacing again. If the words were put in the context of what SHE is thinking then they would work fine. Or if the narrator stuck to observing not cheering her on that would be fine too.<br /><br />BTW more gorgeous weather down the lowlands today, I'm getting jealous.Joan Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16358008925558240778noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5562283155833378792.post-85050913132406501402010-03-16T04:09:37.784+11:002010-03-16T04:09:37.784+11:00Another great slice of life.Another great slice of life.Alice Audreyhttp://www.aliceaudrey.com/?page_id=4029noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5562283155833378792.post-27829777572355489452010-03-15T22:39:14.969+11:002010-03-15T22:39:14.969+11:00Hey, Julie! I agree with Joan - the first paragrap...Hey, Julie! I agree with Joan - the first paragraph didn't really gel with the rest. I loved the rest - great job 'showing' versus 'telling'. Not sure if you'd need to slip those segments in - I think the emotion comes through very well without them :)Janethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13297537075103893956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5562283155833378792.post-81436766457204991472010-03-15T22:26:42.697+11:002010-03-15T22:26:42.697+11:00I wonder if it may have been better to have broken...I wonder if it may have been better to have broken those segments (in the first para) up and scattered them throughout the story, giving them to the woman to articulate?Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09513648613788716017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5562283155833378792.post-11790501197123043052010-03-15T21:44:19.894+11:002010-03-15T21:44:19.894+11:00I feel as if the narration in the first paragraph ...I feel as if the narration in the first paragraph is a bit "overdone". For me, after that it's a good story.Joan Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16358008925558240778noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5562283155833378792.post-59367067372774322012010-03-15T06:18:14.709+11:002010-03-15T06:18:14.709+11:00Wonderful image and words!Wonderful image and words!tapirgalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10098235462073493603noreply@blogger.com