Saturday, January 16, 2010

16. A world of their own

The sound wafts across the still waters gathering intruders into a private world. It bounces as an accompaniment to a shared joy, friends gathered together in a strange land, for the start of a new journey. The couple gathered in a loving embrace before being released dove-like into the stilled air.

A flitting vision in white, supping the nectar opened in supplication from the hands of her chosen few. Silent laughter peals across the glade as a head is thrown back with delight. The throng mills and sashays in continual slow motion, a dance of happiness and sharing between people in a quiet place, a place for contemplation rather than intrusion.

I maintain the line between us as I walk, me on my side, they on theirs. Privacy has a readily shattered fragility. The natural ease of the unaware records a spontaneous beauty, that being furtively obtained, seeks to intensify.


Vicki said...

Beautiful. Very poetic, the rhythm carrying us with it.

My favourite line: "Privacy has a readily shattered fragility."

Julie said...

Interesting that you should say that. I could feel the poetry as I was writing and was tempted to change the physical structure.

I struggled with this one, too. Must be a plateau or something. With this one for example, I kept on hesitating because "I" kept on creeping in and becoming the mover of the story. Whereas I want the gulf, the vacuum, the gulf to be the "mover". As you can tell, I gave up in the final stanza. If I had written about this image for Sydney Eye, it would have come so easily. Now how can I harness that, she says to herself.

Joan Elizabeth said...

'Twas like a gentle mysterious dance for me.

Julie said...

This has been gnawing. There was a rhythm and a wording within this that was plagarised. Now I have recognised it.

Mending Wall, Robert Frost
I let my neighbor know beyond the hill;
And on a day we meet to walk the line
And set the wall between us once again.
We keep the wall between us as we go.