Friday, August 6, 2010

218. Expectations of self

The explosion of self-blame was instant and caustic, as much as it was global. This one little slip, meant that EVERYTHING was wrong, bad, destroyed. Not just that he put the circular saw down on the particle board before it had actually stopped and gouged a line. No. The entire building was no longer any good. Spoilt. Damaged.

But it had ever been thus.

Wendell compared himself to others and constantly came up short. His brother was more handsome. His brother was more personable. His brother was decorated in the war and made Lieutenant. Wendell compared himself to his mate, Bill, and did not like what he saw. Bill was more organised. Bill was a hit with the ladies. Of course, all this was globalised and infested the core of Wendell’s character.

The gouge was just another manifestation.

When it came to parenthood, Wendell was all rules with no affection.

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