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With her arms clasped firmly around his chest he knew her breasts were straining against his supple leather jacket. He gulped another lungful of air, and gunned it. The red Ducati 1098R responded with the grace of an Italian racing machine that has captured the imagination of millions. Torque delivered the front wheel 5 inches of clearance between bitumen and tyre, and the rear wheel was enveloped by smokin’ rubber with sufficient searing stench to seal nostrils. Her arms quivered around his chest as her legs tightened their grasp on his thighs. He could feel the warm, moist air expelled from her lungs as the exhilaration of flight set fire to her being. His right wrist worked the Rethal Kevlar throttle grips as he leaned into the first sensuous curve outside the Apollo Bay town limits on the return journey to Lorne.
He didn’t notice the gravel at first ...
9 comments:
This is not quite as deep a POV as some of your others, but it works extremely well. I think the “he knew” rather than what he felt pulled me out a little. Only for a sec, though.
Your last line is perfect.
Why do motorcycle stories have to end like that? But I will say you did it well.
In a couple of weeks, I go to a one day course on "show me" don't "tell me".
I expect that to make an impact.
Do tell more. About the course I mean. :)
Firstly, I need to confess that I STARTED with the last line, knowing that was what I was working toward. It was my Mills'n'Boon moment. I don't get many of them but they will out every so often!
The course ... I joined the NSW Writer's Centre at the behest of my daughter. I have enrolled in one one-dayer. Not sure if I am testing them or testing moi.
Here is the blurb: http://www.nswwriterscentre.org.au/html/s13_shopping/view_product.asp?keyword=showmethestory
Sounds interesting. You're already a good storyteller -- I hope the day works out worthwhile for you.
Strong, harsh words and fast rhythm, to describe a harsh, fast moment. Sad ending....
The punch line is ... well a punch.
I was wondering how many motorcycles you rode pillion on to be able to get that POV so well?
When I was 19 I had my own step through Honda, but that is all. About 8 years ago, together with two friends, I tried to get a motor-bike licence, but I was neither strong enough nor tall enough to hold the machine upright at low revs. When a friend turned 60, my gift to here was a motor bike ride up to the northern beaches and back. We hired chauffeurs for the morning!
That is the full extent of my experience!
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